A Letter To Mine

You are the fire in my heart

Y are the water that I cry

You are the air that I inhale

And you are the earth that embraces my mind
You are like a dragon leaving me in constant awe

You are a lion that recognizes me as his only lioness 

You are the G.O.A.T. in my eyes

And you are the fish that has been caught
You are the monkey that’s always cute and funny

You are the mouse that’s constantly in the house 

You are like a pup always needing love

But most of all 

You are a companion that I know I can trust
This is the only illness that I don’t want to fight

A sweet venom that’s worth the try

The living myth that surprisingly exists
I’ll always accept your multiple sides

Even those that you don’t let out in the light

These are all the silly examples why you are my life
So remember

No matter how many years fly by

I will appreciate your maturity like fine wine

And I’ll eternally love you like I did the first time


Your Wife


You wanted to write

What have you written 

You wanted to sing

Why aren’t you singing 

You wanted to draw

Show me your art

You wanted to speak

You haven’t spoken 
All these things 

Which used to be part of your life

Are no longer in mind

Simply a distant memory

Far and out of sight
These goals

Have transformed into dreams 

Dreams that can not be achieved 

You can no longer accomplish another feat

Without thinking you are weak

Without worries that are extreme
You gnash your teeth 

Stomp your feet

And cry out of grief 

You are no longer a whole piece

But simply a fraction

Of who you used to be
So long 

And good bye

To all your passions

That are only dreams

Gucci’s Scandal on Blackface

Just almost two weeks ago, the Governor of Virginia, Ralph Northam, came under fire for a school year book where he wore a black faced costume while, his friend wore a KKK costume. Here’s a credible site on this scandal if you are not familiar with the details: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/02/09/virginia-gov-ralph-northam-blackface-scandal-first-interview/2823034002/ His excuse was that he did not know any better before stating that it was not him in the photo and he does not remember. 

The Italian brand which originated in Florence, Gucci, came out with a similar apology that the Governor gave originally a few days ago concerning the sweater they made for women’s wear that oddly resembled like blackface. What really made me decide to write this long post is when I read @blackwall.st post  on Instagram talking about boycotting Gucci for only 3 months as a way to protest. 

So if I understand correctly, black people won’t buy Gucci today but they will tomorrow since they already made their point? For example, I read a comment stating that black people will soon forget about this incident just like they did with H&M. Earlier last year, the Swedish company H&M released a sweater with a black boy posing wearing it with the exact words written on it, “Coolest monkey in the jungle.” Here’s a credible site regarding this previous scandal if you are not familiar with it: https://www.thejournal.ie/hm-apology-racist-image-3787769-Jan2018/ Many people forgot about that. Soon, this will be forgotten as well. Moreover, H&M aren’t the only brands who’ve done such things. The irony is real, isn’t it?

All over my Instagram feed, I can see various black people boycotting Gucci because of their photo of black face representation. I’ve also noticed many comments under different posts on there regarding this issue saying they no longer like Gucci and that they expected better. First of all, why do people like Gucci anyway? Why is it that it’s mainly black people who buy them? They are the biggest customers and promoters of Gucci. They promote Gucci for free through their music and/or fashion. 

They buy it just for the brand and extravagance of their jewelry. I’ve literally seen clothes that Gucci sells for hundreds of dollars that you could get at other less known brands that look exactly alike and the quality is extremely good too. It isn’t a coincidence that Gucci released that photo last week. 

“Racism is like a Cadillac, they make a new model every year.” ~ Malcolm X 

I am happy and blessed that I did not grow up in an environment where flashy items interested me greatly. No matter how much money a person may earn, if they possess a poor mentality it will show through their actions.

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.” ~ Bob Marley

Misconceptions of Reality

Do you ever question reality? I get these weird dejavus sometimes and it’s strange because I feel like what’s going on at that same very moment has happened before. My sister and I were talking about always checking if the door is locked since you never know. You could think you locked it but it could still be open. She then told me a little short story of hers where one day when she locked her door thinking it was locked when actually it wasn’t. 

She later found that out when a friend of hers came inside without her having to unlock the door for him. She was confused so she went to go check the door. She locked it then tried opening to see if it will, and it did. Since then, it became a habit of hers to always double check if the door is locked or not by twisting the door knob to see if it’ll open. At the end of her story, she told me a very powerful quote of her own that made me question some things that happened to me in the past.

“What you think is real may not be real, reality is never absolute.” ~ S.C.K.

Just take a moment and ponder on those words deeply before jumping to conclusions… That quote reminded me of a deception that happened about 2 months ago with my other older sister and me. 

On our first day of basketball practice, our coach brought two of his balls for us to keep temporally during the time period that he’ll be coaching us. We practiced for about one hour and thirty minutes before leaving. The coach dropped us in front of his school with our car where he works at and picked us up from. When we were leaving, we checked to make sure all the doors were locked and that the basketballs were inside. 

We left the car in the school driveway because our sister who also works in the same school as the coach will need it later to come back home, so we took a taxi. Fast forward to later that evening, my sister arrives home from work. I wanted to go take the basketballs to bring it inside but she said not to, I could get it in the morning since I don’t need them now. I agreed with her and decided to take them in the morning. 

The next morning, I forgot to take them before she left for work, so I couldn’t go practice as planned. I made sure to remind myself to pick up the balls when she comes back that evening. Later, I go down to retrieve the basketballs when she comes home from work. I saw that there was only one whereas, my sister and I saw two. I ask my sisters’ driver about the other ball and he said there was only one in the backseat when he replaced it in the trunk. I was confused and my sister was too, we go upstairs and she asks my other sister if there was two balls, she replied “Yes.”

We both agreed adamantly that there were two balls and that someone probably stole the other one… This is where the unconscious lie begins to unfold. We told her that maybe one of the guards at the school took the ball because we left the keys with one of the trustworthy guards to keep for my sister; Or that maybe it was the driver, everyone seemed like a suspect. My sister became suspicious too because we planted the seeds of doubt within her. She began suspecting all the guards that were present when we parked the car, and especially the guard whom we gave the key to, and also the driver himself. 

Everyone became a key suspect in our eyes, but the question was why in the world would they want to steal a single ball? At that time, we came up with reasons that seemed plausible but thinking back now, we were really foolish. It’s so easy to point fingers at others and not think things through. 

Weeks fly by and still no sign of the missing ball, we lose hope of ever finding it. It was also embarrassing for us because that wasn’t our ball and it was supposedly stolen from our car. All thoughts about the missing ball vanished through time and we no longer talked about it since it was an unsolved issue. However, just two months ago, the coach tells me at practice that the ball has been found…

He recounts to me that his friend and his friends’ girlfriend that were playing basketball on the other side of the court on the same day as us were videotaping each other when the other one is playing. When they were watching the videos they took, they saw the coach and me in the background leaving the basketball on the bench that we were sitting on when we were leaving. His friend was surprised and remembered our coach talking about one time to him about the missing ball. He sent the video to the coach and called him about the ball. The coach was very surprised and also confused just like my sister and me because he thought as well that we had left two basketballs in the backseat, not one. 

After he finished telling me about the balls’ whereabouts, a feeling of great shame and embarrassment rose in my chest. All those past weeks, I was thinking the whole time that someone stole the ball and was pointing fingers at guiltless people who did not deserve my mistrust. I also felt a bit scared because I had to tell my big sister the truth in what really happened, and I knew she would be very mad at me because she is an honest person and doesn’t like lies in any shape or form. She would also feel guilty too because she believed us with no hesitation and began suspecting others who were innocent. 

This lie that my other sister and I created was not intended at all but yet, it just took form because of a so called missing ball that we thought we saw. I then began to think about similar events that happened with me thinking I saw or heard something, but was proven otherwise. What we did was truly shameful and I regret it, we shouldn’t have spoken too fast and jumped to conclusions. Those people don’t know the comments I made about them maybe stealing our ball, and I’m too ashamed to tell them either. Though, I sincerely regret my actions and I’d like to think that I learned something from it. 

Which leads me to another original quote, but by my dear mother this time. 

“You were given two ears, two eyes, and only one mouth for a reason.” ~ R.D.L.K.

 I tend to use my mouth more than my sight and hearing, which is very unfortunate because that bad habit of mine has led me to many sticky situations. Controlling my mouth is one of the many things that seem to be hard to control although, it’s just mental in the end. 

Many things that we think we may have heard or saw could be entirely or partly false, and turn into a lie that we did not intend to forge. We need to analyze people, events, and things first before we open our mouths to speak. It is extremely important, and if this skill is learned then it’ll prevent a lot of unwanted situations. Think first before you act and try your best to give the benefit of doubt to others, especially to those who’ve done no wrong to you.

Recognizing Death

The other day, I was watching “The Bone Collector” which featured Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie as co-stars. It was very interesting to watch and scary to imagine that murderers you see in movies exist in real life too. There was this one scene where the police officer walked up to the villains’ car from his car to interrogate him since there has been a series of murders with the same taxi that the villain was driving to pick up new victims from various locations. The officer asked the criminal to show his ID card; and right there and then, the criminal shot the officer dead.

I suppose it’s because he didn’t want to get caught. Though, that one scene made me think later on that you can die at any moment. A person can have so many goals and dreams in mind, death is the last thing that they’ll think about. Then just out of nowhere, something happens and they’re six feet under. Two years ago, I was very confident that nothing could ever happen to me because I’m so young. I’m a safety first person and I have no illness, what can possibly happen? 

Then unfortunately, my grandmother passed away after months of being in the hospital. I feel that it wasn’t her time to go, but it’s life right? To put the icing on cake, I see so many news headlines of people of all ages getting shot dead, kidnapped or declared simply missing at the moment. It makes me truly realize that no matter your living situation or wherever you’re at in life, anything can happen. Now, I’m not saying to continually think about when you’re going to die, God forbid. 

What I’m saying is to recognize that life is fleeting and that we’re all just humans, in the end. I believe in God’s time as always, and I don’t think it’s my time to go, yet. However, I also recognize the fact that as a human, one day I will rest in peace. Whether, it’s sooner or hopefully later. 

The feeling is quite bittersweet to recognize that you’re powerless against “life”, and God especially. Some know this fact, but take it in a negative way. I’ve heard phrases from certain people that I know such as, “Why tire myself to accomplish things when I’m just going to die at the end of the day?” For me personally, it’s because I know my time is limited on earth that I feel the need to accomplish something that I would be proud of. When I’m taking that last breath of life that God graced me with from the beginning to end, I would want to think about what choices I made and what I did with my life, instead of what I didn’t. 

The feeling is extremely painful to reflect back on choices you did not make because you were too fearful or skeptical. Almost in all of my errors that I committed thus far, I’ve learned something valuable from them. I usually say in plenty of my blogs where I’ve said things such as, “If I did not make those mistakes then and had someone correct me for it or even have myself recognize and correct my mistake, I would make the same error over and over again; and I will not be the same person that I am today.” Sometimes, you have to make the bad choices first, in order to make a good one. For others, it could be different too. That’s the beauty of life. 

Life actually grants us multiple chances, we probably don’t recognize them. Therefore, before it is time for me to go, I want to achieve feats that will make me proud of myself. What triggered me to write this blog was this one post I read from a wise person, @mitchteemly. There’s this quote he has in his blog “Life and Death”,

“Throughout the whole of life one must continue to learn to live, and what amazes us even more, throughout the whole of life one must continue to learn to die.” ~ Seneca 

That quote itself is amazing, and it helped me recognize a little more of how much there is yet, to discover about life and death. Thank you Mr. Teemly for your eye-opening blog!

I don’t want to die and I’m a little bit terrified of the thought, but I know one day I will. By continuing to learn to live, I will make choices, no matter what they are and what impact they may hold, that’ll make me grow as a person. Leading me to the last part of the quote, “throughout the whole of life one must continue to learn to die,” by making choices that I feel are right under God’s light, the day I die I will leave no regrets behind. So in a beautiful way, I am accepting and recognizing death.

The Perfect Guy

Whenever I daydream about my perfect guy, there are 3 things that he must possess. Killing looks, money (duh), and his undying affection whereas he literally can’t live without me. #TheDream If I had to describe him picture wise hm, he would have dark bronze skin, plump lips, beautiful big hazel eyes, a gorgeous narrow and a little bit wide nose, a megawatt smile, shoulder length wavy and curly hair, 6’5 feet tall, an alluring accent, and a ripped body. ❤️

He would be the CEO of a multi billion company, also owning other companies and businesses in different fields. Extremely intelligent, wise, charismatic, and hilarious! He would be a family first person, and someone who is calm, not easily angered. 

He isn’t what I had in mind but, let’s take a moment to admire His Sexiness – I mean art 😶

We would get married at 27, have children at 30+. Grow old together, and live a super long life. I could go on and on about him, but I don’t want to bore you. 

Nowadays, whenever his image pops up in my mind, I can’t help but notice all I’ve ever dreamed about was only what I considered ideal, and possibly not real. I didn’t take in consideration the little imperfections that would him unique. Flaws that needed to be worked on, his thoughts and authentic personality as a person. Everything I thought about him resolved around me only, what about his personal life separate of ours? 

His group of friends, what he liked and didn’t liked? All this time, I was living in a bubble with high expectations of a man who would offer me his life simply because of… What exactly? Then, I started thinking of my OWN flaws and issues. 

Would he accept them all? Would he accept certain flaws that I would never dare utter to someone else besides my family? Especially if it makes you think otherwise of me? I have so many issues, flaws, and bad habits, it’s ironic how I started to think about his before mine! 

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll still be the same person when I’m an adult, if I’ll still have the same tendencies, personality, etc. What job would I have, what major would I get a degree in? Or would I finish school at all?… I think about all of this, and it honestly makes me so nervous. All these anxieties just from daydreaming about a person from my wild imagination, lesson learned haha!

I profoundly believe that there is a right time and place for everything. My mother tells me that I should wait until I’m 21 until I starting thinking or dating guys, I see her point and think she’s right. I am not at the level of maturity that I desire of maintaining a relationship with anyone. It is time consuming plus, I need my heart and mind in my studies in order to succeed and achieve all my dreams. I need to live up to my status in the family as the future independent woman who will live by her own rules and won’t need to depend on anyone financially after all!

Who knows, maybe even at 21 I still won’t feel ready, but either way, I won’t rush anything. Patience is a virtue, I intend to apply it. At this moment of my life, there’s still a lot more room to discover more things about myself, and forever will be as time passes by. It’s when I reflect on myself deeply like now is when I am happy that I’m homeschooled, I am easy to influence at times, and can be distracted easily. I think it’s good that I can get all the me time I need, while also improving myself as a person before I step out into the world of adulthood.

We have so many flaws and imperfections that I know we’re not all very proud of and don’t like to mention, and so sometimes without realizing it, we try to find people who we believe are better in those specific areas to make our own ego feel good. “I am not this or done that, but I’m with someone or friends with someone or know someone who has!” It gives us a false air of accomplishment, you see. Then, we end up kinda forcing our own expectations and ideals onto those people. Which can be a tad suffocating and pressurizing for them… 

Our imperfections and flaws are what makes each and every one of us different and unique of course, however, it can also restrain our ability at times to see through people as they truly are if we’re not careful. We think about what we want from a person, instead of thinking what we really need for us and them, especially. I feel like that no matter how old we may get, there’ll always still be room for improvement on self discovery. Therefore, I will make an effort to stop fretting and thinking about someone who hasn’t even appeared in my life (yet), and think about what I can do NOW at the present for myself to be happy and satisfied in my life, with or without my perfect guy. 😉

Background Story
My inspiration from writing this conversational reading was from one day, I was doing one of my bad habits again (My lips are sealed *~*), and then I just thought of how I could ever share my life and live with another person, besides my family obviously, with all my horrible tendencies. So there I am deep in thought, and then I realized I am very funny to expect something from another without giving anything in return! 

My overall summary of this conversational story is before you start setting expectations for others, no matter what form of relationship, think about first what you have to offer. Not in the form of give and take, in the form of pure kindness and a broad mind, but also at the same time, not being blind. I hope you enjoyed this weekly blog, and have a great day/evening!

Lessons From A Former Thief

How many times have you ever stolen something in your life? When you did it the first time, did you get caught? Did someone else know about it, and did you feel guilty afterwards? Or completely indifferent? Stealing is a very bad deed to perform, no matter how big or small the item you stole was. 

In the eyes of any religion, stealing is a sin and the thief should be punished severely. In the eyes of law, stealing is a crime and thieves aren’t welcomed. It doesn’t matter what faith you hold, where you’re from, and who raised you, stealing is recognized to be bad and shunned worldwide. 

Sometimes, it takes someone to correct another properly if caught stealing. Whether it is scolding and grounding from your parents, or worse, going to jail. Thankfully for me, it was my parents who stopped me the first and last time I ever stole a single thing in my life. I am and will be forever grateful towards the both of you. Time to go down memory lane once again! 

I was 7 years old when this happened. My siblings and I were going to a store for grocery shopping, and to also sit down and eat. When we entered the car and started moving, I noticed a $5 bill under the driver’s seat right in front of me that no one else remarked. It was like it was just me and that $5 bill in the world. I was staring at it, and it was eyeing me too. It was screaming at me loudly, “Steal me, I know you want to. Imagine all the wonderful things you could buy with me. Take me, before someone else does!”, and so, I stole the money. 

I scooped it up quick like the flash, and slyly stuffed it into my pocket before anyone noticed. That was the beginnings of a skilled thief, thank God I didn’t continue down that road. Moving on, we are at the store’s restaurant section sitting down ordering some food. 

I introduced my stolen $5 bill to all my sisters proudly. I lied that my father gave it to me, and they believed it. They all exclaimed playfully, “Ooh, DiDi’s getting rich, maybe she should pay for our meals!” My face turned pale and I shook my head no with wide eyes frantically like a madman. They all laughed and began eating when their food arrived. I didn’t want to part with my newfound wealth, it was all mine and only mine! 

Steal me

Fast forward, we are back at home and my father was in the living room. I decided to flaunt my money with my father as well, how stupid I was! I showed it to him ecstatically and wanted him to praise me as well. He eyed me and eyed the $5 bill I was holding. He asked me “Where did you get that from?” This time, I told a different tale to my father. I told him that it was the change of a chicken biscuit that I bought with my lunch money at school, but I forgot the fact that this man is my fathe and my cunningness was inherited from him. 

He didn’t believe it and asked me again, whereas I lied again. He gave me the infamous cat eye that runs in our family, but is only perfected by my dear mother. He sat me down and took the money from my hand. This time he demanded, not asked, where I got this money from. My 7 year old heart was getting very scared, and she didn’t like seeing her father so stern. So, she told the entire and whole truth to him with her heart beating crazy going, “Boom, Boom, Boom.” 

My face felt tight, and my throat was parched. I couldn’t speak and couldn’t look down either from his angry eyes. He got up, and beckoned me to follow him. We arrived at the doorway of my sister’s room that was opened. He looked at me and said “Tell her the truth and apologize.” I didn’t want to, I kept on pleading and begging him to not put me through this. 

Tears started to swell up from my eyes, but his resolve was absolute. I was afraid of getting scolded and possibly spanked, and ashamed of what I did. I didn’t dare look at my sister’s eyes when I was telling her the little lie I made just that morning. It was at that exact moment that I found out stealing is bad, and that I should never ever do it again. 

My sister was confused, and didn’t understand a word I said since I could barely pronounce my words right, due to my stammering. Quite ironic for someone who has a big mouth! My father explained the situation to her, and then she understood. She told me to look at her, and I did with great difficulty. She told me not to do it again and that if I learned a lesson. I nodded my head yes. 

My father yelled “It’s yes (her name)!” I repeated after him, but much more meekly. He told me to say it again louder so everyone can hear, I obeyed him. He sent me to my room to contemplate what I’ve done, and said that he’s going to tell mother. That was worse than him telling my sister, my sister is a very calm person and it’s hard to anger her. If she’s mad, then she’s passive aggressive and avoids talking to you until she’s regained her spirits. 

My mother on the other hand, when she’s mad all hell breaks loose! She’ll say it like it is and make it very well known when she’s upset, and oh her cat eyes can rip right through your soul… If looks could kill, I think I would’ve died more than a billion times by now, God forbid! 

Evening comes, and I come out of my room to go watch videos on YouTube in the living room. My father sees me but doesn’t say anything, he continues reading his newspaper and drinking his cup of coffee. I’m enjoying myself greatly, all the way until my mother comes back from her outing. My father looks at me as if to say “I’m gonna tell her.” 

I tried to avoid his looks and act as normal as possible around my mother. He lets her go get dressed into her night clothes and refresh herself first before he spills the beans. I knew what storm was about to come, I was embracing myself for the strong waves that were about to hit me in a couple of minutes, while watching my videos innocently. My mother comes back into the living room and my father tells her that he and I have something important to tell her. She looks confused just like my sister was earlier that day. He looks at me and continues anyway, explaining the shameful act I committed. 

With each word he uttered, and the more my mother understood the situation, I became even more scared. I even stopped watching my videos just to look at them and hear the conversation. She looks at me angrily, and boy was I scared! I think I almost pissed myself. 

She yelled at me multiple things, one of them being, “My child is NOT a thief! I did not give birth to you, raise you, and use my hard earned money to give you a good education just so you can end up a delinquent!” Some might think her words were misplaced and dramatic, but I believe she had every right to be angry at me like that. Imagine working day and night to bring food onto the table. Therefore, your children can have a good education, just to have them go on a wrong path for what reason exactly? They grew up in a good and loving home, always had food and clothing. What possibly could be the factors that would cause them to commit such an atrocity? 

I’m pretty sure those were the thoughts that were running wildly in her mind and heart, so I understand her reaction now. I probably thought she was being dramatic and mean back then, but I can see that I was wrong. Thanks to both her and my father, I never stole again. 

Back to the past, she banned me from using any electronics, took away my piggy bank, and made sure all I did for awhile was just study. So, she basically grounded me. I was devastated when she took away all of my savings, I was saving my money for more than 3 months and garnered at least $25!

I felt like all my hard earned money from doing chores and the little money I was gifted with from time to time all went to waste. Though, to be honest with you, I don’t think it’s a good tactic for parents to give their kids money just so they could get their chores done. They should get it done either way. I believe that type of mentality will shape the child into only working or doing something because of money, not because he/she is happy to do it. I have a little bit of that mentality unfortunately, it’s one of the many things that I want and need to change about myself. 

She made me go to bed one hour earlier than usual that night. I felt a bit hungry, but I didn’t dare say a word. It was quite hard for me to fall asleep, but I eventually did, while crying though. The next day, she wouldn’t even look at me. I was extremely sad. My father talked to me and said to not ever do that again. I promised I wouldn’t and he finally smiled, which seemed like forever. I’m sure he felt proud of himself for preventing a horrible trait taking form in his daughter, I would be too if I were in his shoes. 

My mother didn’t bat a single eye in my direction until the next morning before she dropped me off to school, she and I had a long and heartfelt talk. We reached an agreement and hugged, and everything ended well sooner than I hoped. I was happy that I was getting along with both of my parents again. I was still grounded but happy, nonetheless. I knew what I did was wrong, and learned from my error. I don’t regret anything that happened because otherwise, I never would’ve learned such a valuable lesson. 

Kids and teens, you may be angry at your parents for multiple reasons, but just know that they have your best interests at heart. Try talking it out with them, communication is the key to every relationship you may ever have. Don’t hesitate and express yourself! 

Parents, you know when to scold and punish your children. However, teach them that communication is important by discussing with them about things you feel are important during a particular stage of their life. Especially when you both have disagreements, know when to squash it out by an old fashioned hug. Hug them hard even if they don’t appreciate it then, they will later. 

Finally, thank you mama and daddy. If it weren’t for you two when I made that mistake, I would’ve repeated the same thing over again. Thank you for correcting me when I need it, and guiding me all the time. God bless you both!